It's been a while

I have not written for myself in a very long while. At first, I just couldn't seem to find anything worthwhile to write about. Then, I found myself drowning in this ideal that my thoughts were not important enough to be written down; that somehow, my thoughts were not valid enough to be heard. All too often, our voices are silenced, and all too often, they are silenced by the pettiest people and the pettiest events. For some, all it takes is someone to express their disinterest in what they have to say. Others were explicitly told that their words didn't matter. And others still, simply were never able to find their voice from the start. A couple months ago, I wasn't entirely sure what silenced me, or rather, I was not ready to confront the real reason behind it. In reflection, I was silenced by a boy that liked to take advantage. A boy may seem like a very silly reason to desert the person you spent eighteen years becoming, but he had a way of making it seem so appealing. Suddenly everything I thought myself to be was thrown to the wayside. It changed me. I was no longer the person I had always been, but instead a product of the person he wanted me to be.  I started to question my self worth, my charisma, my character. And then, when I realized everything I thought I believed in had been tainted by my misguided actions, my thoughts suddenly began to seem petty, and my voice less significant, less worthy. I wish I was able to say that I didn't let a boy take away one of my most valuable attributes, and I wish I wasn't here writing for the first time in a year and a half... But I am, and I think I'm stronger because of it. I'm here to say that while I lost my voice for a long while, that I'm working on finding it again. Partly, because I have people in my life that consistently remind me that I am worthwhile, and partly because I'm beginning to believe it again, too. So here's to new beginnings and breaking the silence. I'm ready to be heard.